Revealing Myself
Today I had a psychotherapy assessment. It was odd in that I found myself revealing more than I expected. I seemed to get on well with the assessor but I guess they’re trained to put you at ease. I think it could be helpful if everything works out.
Today I rather stupidly went in to placement to try to make up some time. Once I got there I realised that the woman I would have to work with was one who intimidates me and who treats students like shit. I decided there was no way I could stay and I left. I should have said I was ill or something but that would have meant speaking to her. I feel such an idiot. I wanted to cut badly when I got home so I phoned the crisis team. They came out to see me but it didn’t really help. I still feel ashamed of my behaviour and am afraid of what she’ll say about it.
I can’t continue to avoid sex with R and I imagine we’ll try it tonight. I’ve asked him to bring some lubricant. Hopefully that will make it hurt less.
