It’s been a while…
It’s been a while since I last wrote anything here. Things haven’t changed a lot. I’m currently under the crisis team (again). I took a paracetamol overdose on Monday. I had no other drugs as the crisis team have them. At the time I took them I really wanted to die but after about half an hour I began to have second thoughts and called NHS Direct who called for an ambulance for me. I got some treatment and now I’m home. The voices think I’m weak as I chickened out of dying. Liver failure is a long slow process. It scares me slightly. I didn’t know what I was doing. I had to be seen for a psychiatric assessment before I left the hospital. It was a waste of time. All I got told was I need to deal with my anxiety and that my family would be upset if I die. The psychiatrist was rather patronising too and kept calling me “darling” which I disliked. There is one member of the crisis team dislikes me too and I always seem to end up getting him whenever I feel down.
I’m still hearing voices – loud, aggressive abusive voices but my mood has picked up a little. I am back on aripiprazole and I think it may be beginning to work. I stupidly cut myself on my neck and chest and now I’m having to wear polo necks to cover the marks. Why am I so stupid?
I saw my GP to get my prescription repeated. He won’t repeat the dianette as I have depression. I don’t know what to do about that.
I haven’t been to college in the last week. I just can’t stand the noise and the people. I’m trying to study at home so as not to miss out. I have an appointment for a psychotherapy assessment on friday. I hope that will be helpful after the personality disorder place turned me down.
I have now been given a CPN which I’m pleased about. He seems like a nice man and I think I can work with him. He has helped me fill in an application for DLA and it would help a lot if I could get it. Money is very tight at the moment.
College wise I’m still scared of not getting my assessments done or making up all my time. I’m going in on saturdays still so hopefully I can get some assessments done then. I can’t face failing. I don’t know what I’ll do then.
